he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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