I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
