I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
