the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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