I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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