You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
