There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
