so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The struggles of a small town man whore
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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