He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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