i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
a search helicopter?!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
