We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
