I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
