It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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