I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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