She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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