did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
