i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
