can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
