I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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