I bet he comes in French.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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