woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
