I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
