I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I deserve this hangover.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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