glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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