she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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