you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
