I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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