The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
