i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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