i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My feet surprised me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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