The maid of honor just puked.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
