You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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