i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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