At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
