so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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