you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
