Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
