He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize