So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
