i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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