Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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