I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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