that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
