so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
