Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
