My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
