I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
