dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
