im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
