The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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